I went outside at midnight to round up Junipurr and Purrly.
At the end of my driveway a woman was walking past.
She said : “What are you doing out so late?” and I said:
“I’m calling my cats in, what are you doing out walking so late?”.
“Oh I don’t sleep much these days. I often walk at night.
My son died 5 years ago. I haven’t slept much since”.
It was one of those unexpected moments where everything in the world funnels down into this one encounter with a stranger.
Junipurr ran towards us, his bell jingling with vibrancy and gorgeousness, so full of life and vitality.
“I am so sorry for your loss. The world isn’t the same anymore is it? My Mum died last year.”
I know this because since Mum died it feels like the doors and windows are permanently open and drafts and winds blow in at anytime of the day or night.
But I know that losing a child is not the same as losing your Mother. It’s a different kind of pain because I’ve seen it in my friends C’s eyes.
“He was only 20.” She said this twice.
” See that star up there, the bright one. That’s him”.
I realised that’s why she walks at night alone. She isn’t alone at all.
5 minutes before my biggest concern was a failed creative project I had been working on for hours.
It was a moment that completely reorganised my thoughts and perspective from the personal to the Universal.
“I’m truly sorry for your loss”…I couldn’t find any better words. I would have liked to have.
“Thank you. And I’m sorry for yours”.
“It makes you wonder why we are here” she said.
She walked off into the cold but very clear and crisp night and I came inside with my kitty-cats.
I went out 10 minutes later to see if she was walking back. Maybe a coloring book would help.
But the street was empty.
This song is for all of the Mothers who are living in the world without their children.