For a few minutes each day, in the summer time, the sunlight reflects from the bonnet of the car and casts a huge imprint of the lace curtains on to the bedroom wall.

The frangipani tree is sometimes silhouetted as well and the other day I walked past the window and my own shadow loomed before me.

It was a stark contrast to the multi coloured pillow case and purple lamp underneath it.

Seeing the image made me ponder about rooms and   invisible memories  and how blessed I am to be in a peaceful relationship with a peaceful man.

From my younger years I remembered how we  can be so impacted after a relationship ends, that it seems that even though he /she has gone, their presence is tangible and the memories of the lost~beloved casts shadows over our tomorrow.

The  imprint of the Love we have lost is represented  by a shadow that is only visible to the broken heart. In the photos  the rhythmic folds of the lace curtains have been transformed into bar-like lines~ symbolic of how imprisoned we can become  to the Love whose time has come and gone and the bitter sweet impact of having loved so passionately for it to then become a story of our past, never in the present again….

So I decided to write a poem. It is a fictional poem but a fact of life for so many who fall asleep nursing a broken heart and wake up to the lonliness of Love lost.

My poem honours the men who weep in silence because they were taught long ago not to show their feelings so they fall asleep at night with it all bottled up inside…

She is no longer in my Bed

For four passion filled years she lived by my side

holding  me tight

through many a night

Together we laughed and played and fought

She used to call me her Improbable Mr Right

Then one day with out warning

(I never saw the storm clouds forming)

She said I’ve met someone who is more Mr Right

than you

Within 24 hours she was gone from our

now broken home

which was  just a hollow  empty shell

and of course I was broken & homeless  too….

For long dark hours

in the grave where love sours

I yearned for her presence to

come back to me

Even when I began to date once again

despite my heartache & pain

Her presence hovered in and around

within every living cell of  me.

I fall asleep with

the emptiness of her

in my arms

Fire  & passion now gone from my life

along with her charms

I  miss her  outrageous opinions and views

She was my best friend and my Muse

but now another man calls her

My Beloved Wife

I didn’t know that it is very easy to make sun dried tomatoes. We had our first small plate of them this weekend and have made some more.
I will update the photos as the tomatoes begin to dry.

All that is needed is:

Tomatoes, a knife, a tray and some salt

Wash the tomatoes…

Cut them in half longways, leaving them joined at the bottom

Sprinkle the tomatoes  evenly with salt.

Do they make your mouth water? It’s hard not to eat them when you are salting them…

Find a sunny spot in the garden and the sun will evaporate their moisture over  the next few days.

On the third day the two trays have shrunk to one and we can see the tomatoes begin to look like the Sun Dried Tomatoes they are becoming…

…and hear what Juno has to say in:

“Juno’s Purrfect World”…

They tend to go for a high space, away from predators ( humans and cats) and are often hunted and killed by terrified humans whose relationship with Spiders has been ruined by the films like Anachrophobia (link) and the wide spread primal fear that anything small and crawly is a great threat and must be destroyed.

I was delighted to see a Huntsman has turned up in my studio and is sitting motionless above the window.

I first spotted him at the other end of the house yesterday… they like to move around in the dark when the predators are sleeping and he walked the full length of the house during the night.

The zoom lense on my camera has captured the delicate hairs over my visitors exquisite legs. He hasn’t moved for the last couple of hours.

Some people within the diversity of Native American culture consider the Spider to be totemic and the bearer of gifts and medicine.

I wrote a previous blog entry about “Spiderwoman” here after Night-Spiders appeared in my garden a couple of summers ago and created magnificent webs night after night, unravelling them in the hours before dawn only to re-weave them again after dark….You can see the video in the blog post  that I made of Night-Spider weaving with such precision and rhythm….Master weavers extraordinaire!

I have had many Huntsmen Spiders come to live in my home over the years and for a period of time there was one I called Morry who lived under the eave of my caravan and travelled thousands of miles with us during a trip around Australia… He would emerge from under the safety of the eave at night to feast on the dozens of insects that were attracted to the outdoor light on the caravan wall….He didn’t have to work hard for his tea as flying insects in the tropics are in abundance!

One day I went outside and there was Morry’s lifeless form with a ‘thread’ coming from his back with a shapeless ‘thing’ at the end,  seemingly dead… I thought he must have been poisoned but a few hours later Morry re-emerged from the shapeless form at the end of the thread that he was hanging from, leaving behind a perfectly shaped, very empty Spider skin…

He was larger and darker than before and I was fascinated as to how he could have squeezed into that old skin of his!

I kept his old perfectly-shaped, empty skin in a Molly-Bushells lolly tin and occasionally would bring it out when fellow travelers visited –  no doubt contributing to the wide spread anachrophobia after placing empty-Morry on the table when they weren’t looking  and blowing on him to make his skin shoot across the table towards  the unsuspecting guest.

I would like to apologise to anyone I terrified in the name of fun back then and to my Mother for sending Morry home in the tin that day. The silly things we do in  our youth! lol

Here is a video that someone has posted of a Huntsman shedding his skin after she accidentally showered him with water whilst  watering the garden.

One of the comments on the video pointed out that water assists in the shedding process…

Spiders are Mother Natures perfect creations! 8 delicate legs surrounding a perfect “8″ shaped Mandala….

How lovely when one strolls into the house and sets up home for awhile…

Another much loved Elder passed away recently. This Mandala poster (below) was created in memory of the senior  Women who have passed away and the empty seats they have left in our Women’s Group.

We farewelled Aunty L in the Church she loved in the Community that is her Heart and Soul.

“We celebrate the Women we have Known and the Love that They have Sown” is a black and white      coloring in  poster that gives a creative place for the loss and the grief to be expressed as well as the happy times and  beautiful memories of the Mothers, Sisters, Aunties and Grandmothers who are no longer with us.

We miss you very much  sisters Aunty I and Aunty L ….

Celebrating the Women we Known & the Love that They Have Sown...

The Centre Flower surrounded by Hearts represents the Love that is seeded by our Mothers.
The circle of seeds surrounding the Hearts symbolises how the love continues down the generations and is seeded each time we remember her and tell stories.
The Spiral Flowers remind us that the circle of life continues and the circle within the circle shows us that as Women, we are who we are because of the Women who have travelled before us…..
The three lined border is the River of life…ever flowing, sometimes fast, other times trickling…and the tears we cry when we are missing her, come from the waters where we are all One…..

Colouring the Mandala:

Red for the power of the Emotions
Blue for tranquility and peace of Mind
Green for nourishment and growth…
Orange and Yellow for the Sun and the Flowers.
Pink for the peaceful Heart
Purple for the colour of the sun as it sets on the horizon…

* I would like to think the artist Lorraine Karpany for giving me permission to share the images and their Story  in my blog. *

Recently I was asked if I would pick up a ‘few ceramic pieces’ from  the local Aboriginal  College and take them to a rural Community  where I was presenting at a Womens Group. The creator of the pieces had been unable to get them to her home and I was very happy to oblige as one of the most enjoyable aspects of my work is meeting other artists and their work.

I thought ‘a few  ceramic pieces‘ meant that I was going to be picking up a few plates and painted china bowls but instead I transported several, profound pieces of clay sculptures that quite literally took my breath away!

Lorraine told me that she began by making a basic clay pot like most people do but very quickly the clay began to take shape and give form to her deeply personal healing journey  that has involved enormous loss and grief and mistreatment by the Australian government who inflicted the theft of Aboriginal children on a whole generation of Australians. My heart was deeply moved by Lorraine’s Story and her resilience is awe inspiring.

The children who were stolen and the parents who were the victims of the child thefts  are known as The Stolen Generation. The unspeakable, multiple  losses and relentless pain that members of The Stolen Generation live with is captured in these pieces.

They are also works of great courage, resilience and outstanding talent.

Lorraine tole me she had never created with clay before but  in six short months developed an outstanding body of work that reveals her enormous talent and originality. She  sells her work so if you are interested in knowing more  what her outstanding Sculptures please  leave a comment below.

I am not qualified to put captions to any of the photos and apologise for the slight blur in some of the images.

The sun was shining and the Cafe was brimming with good food, great art and the Artists themselves – a great privilege for all of us who were there!

***

It was great to see people purchasing the Art work, one piece in particular is  a traditional  story that the Artist Andrea shared with me in great detail. Thank you Andrea and for allowing me to take a photo before it was taken down and rolled up to be taken to  the police-car by the officer who  came along with some of his colleagues. He was thrilled with his purchase and both were very happy with the transaction.

I was especially interested in the central object with the white feathering . Andrea told me that is a ceremonial stick with Cockatoo feathers. She laughed when I asked if that was a Turtle just below the central circles  (so would you if you know how far their Country is from the sea) …

***

You can see there is a huge variety of canvases…each one with its own Story and amazing blend of colours, brush strokes and traditional forms…

***

The unique style of blending traditional dot work so skillfully with the large ‘comma’ shaped stroke takes such skill and precision. The colours on this one invokes of all of the elements. Yuendumu country is Desert country and the Artist how us that there is fare more to the Desert Country than the rest of us could ever  know…

***

The variety of Art for sale is extraordinary and as pieces are sold, new pieces will be put up on the walls…so make a few visits.

If you are an over seas person who is interested in Aboriginal Art, get in touch with the Yuendumu representatives and discuss the possibility of an on line purchase. All money goes directly to the Artists.

***

It would be wonderful if this positive, amazingly talented group of Artists receive wide spread recognition  for their highly skilled work and vast knowledge of their Country and the Stories that  few people over seas  - and in this country –  are familiar with…

***

As I mentioned at the start of this story, I was very surprised that these highly skilled canvases are for sale at such  an outrageously reasonable price  and I’d like to suggest if you do purchase a piece, you consider the on-going support of the Yuendumu Artists and invest in their work as it becomes available…

..

***

This piece was also sold almost before it was hung, the gold paint blending in with traditional colours made this piece glow!

The person who purchased this rich piece could  have their heating bills reduced I’m sure!….

So if you have the opportunity, get along to la Caz Creole Cafe @ 61 Semaphore Road. Have a coffee and immerse yourself in the fantastic work of the Artists who belong to the oldest living culture in the world and are so generously sharing their magnificent work with the people of Adelaide…and beyond.

This is one I brought along to begin colouring in:

I didn’t get too far with the coloring as you can see…..

***

Unlike Mum who has recently created quite a few and coloured them….like this one:

Here is a sample of a Mandorla-Zendala I created a couple of weeks ago as a template for participants of my ART of Change workshops…

***

The theme for this one is Visioning the Future~ Creating New Dreams….

***

You only need a blank piece of paper, pen and plate to create a Circle for this wonderfully relaxing art form of “Zendala” making.

As a Mandala artist I was delighted to come across Milliande’s youtube clip on how to make Zendalas…you can view it here:

who was something of a Garden Loving Gurrly

She waits all winter long

For the Sun to shine strong

to  dry up the soil so she can turn Flip and Whurrly!

‘If I just keep on loving him, he will change & we will have the relationship that I know is possible’...

Ode to a Rescuer…

There was something very appealing about his pain

it matched her Pattern perfectly!

“Give me a damaged man  with potential

and I will embrace him

as my life mission

My personal quest

I will claim myself to be his Rescuer

Through my eyes he will see

how sorely he has been

denied Love

And, with the love of this Good Woman, he will heal.

He will heal

He will heal

He will heal

****

With the peace of mind that I alone

have brought to him,

delivered to him on a sincere heart that

pulses with conviction

His heart shall finally, after many troubled years

beat with contentment

in symbiotic rhythm with  my own

Ahh..this future memory  brings tears

to my eyes

and reminds me  to be patient and the reward

will come

Of this truth I have created, I am sure.

He will change

He will change

He will change

***

I shall interpret his moodiness as poetic brooding

his sarcasm as merely the shadow of his enormous

artistic sensitivities

and his broken promises as the unfortunate

repercussions of

a busy, preoccupied man.

I shall deny myself my heart’s desries,

less they place too much of a burden on his already busy mind.

I shall seduce him into security

with words thinly veiled

with the false reassurance that I want nothing of him

After all he is the broken one…

Not me.

***

I will prove to him that I am the one single woman

on this Earth

who can heal his troubled Soul.

Because I believe in him like no other has in the past

or could possibly at any time in the future….

As the Rescue Program gets under way

I will slowly begin to allow

the duality of the situation to come to the fore

Actually I won’t have a choice.

Having ensnared him with my Rescuers Net

or having fallen into his

I shall wrestle with the duality of being drawn

to his charismatic withdrawals

whilst also experiencing an awakening  awareness

that he is indeed

mirroring my own need to  heal and rescue

the wounded heart.

In order to ignore the needs of my own hopeful

desperate

optimistic

aching

Heart,

I will plunge into my rescuing role with paradox and passion

for  I am drawn to the angst of  tortured feelings

which I have misconstrued as Romance and Love

as haplessly as he is drawn to his broody silences and

the acidic observations he casts out

to bait me

every now and then.

And quite regularly at times.

Words that forge our bond  like “who else would put up with you or me” and

“we were meant for one another, we are as bad as each other“

will be the hypnotic  sound track of the saga

of our co-dependence

***

He will be my co-star as my life unfolds

according to the stories I believe

Stories that I have created

Fictional stories I will defend as

Love

Alas it is a tired old script with no surprises

in the Story whatsoever

but it will take me a long time to understand that

to reinterpret and rewrite the lead roles

because most of  this is new to me!

And I am a stranger to myself…

I will need quite some time to realise any of this

as this predictable old Story unfolds

on a roller coaster of drama and desire

yearning and conflict

Those old ‘but I love him” scenarios

and inevitable cycles

replaying themselves

in the guise of Love.

***

Love?

No this is just unlearnt lessons

in re-enactment

I will come to realise this one day

though I do not know that yet of course

Although my heart does skip a beat when he looks at me

in that certain something way

Surely that must be Love?

though you may well  think I am making

a banquet from a few crumbs of

moments of hard earnt intimacy

I know this banquet will be rich

in the fruits of my desires

….so long as I am patient

I will be Patient

I will be Patient

I will be Patient

My mantras give my life meaning

and hope

They really do

Really really they do.

***

In the meantime I will deny that the toxins

of this relationship are

causing me great harm,

souring my naivete  &  poisoning the sweetness of my illusions

whilst I continue to

defend his lack of friendliness

and warmth

as justified

on account of

the awful things he went through as a child

the unresolved issues

with his difficult father

the conflict with his his troubled mother

There was just so much trouble

that went into creating his

Troubled Life that I share

I am perhaps the only one

who really knows that

and understands him

and Loves him

The only one

The lonely one

Love will conquer all

I think I am sure of that

There is only one fixed rule in

all of this apparent uncertainty

And this is what I have made it to be:

I must Love him no matter how hard he is to Love.

I will Love him unconditionally

I will Love him unconditionally

I will Love him unconditionally

This one rule will make it all wonderful…

One day because

He will open up

He will open up

He will open up

***

Ultimately of course I will deny myself

the right to move forward

to reach my fullest potential

because I will be anchored defiantly

to our co-dependence

and staunchly

courageously

desperately

refer to it as

Love!

This is what I know Love to be.

The End.

***********************